Egg on your face and unsavory sausages – How to avoid first date food fails

Egg on your face and unsavory sausages – How to avoid first date food fails

First dates are always fraught with peril. Maybe you met over Tinder, perhaps though a mutual acquaintance,or maybe you’ve known each other for a while and are finally taking the plunge and hoping to become more than just friends

Great food date ideas can include a picnic in the park, a trip to an amusement park, skateboarding and a trip to the hotdog stand ,or the classic and ever-popular dinner and a movie. Whatever you and your hookup choose, there’s likely to be food involved.

This is your first romantic encounter with xxx and its your chance to shine and give a fab first impression – even if you’re already friends. Don’t mess it up with

Egg on your face

Looks delicious – maybe not on your forehead though. | Credit: Marco Verch Professional Photographer | CC BY 2.0

You’re looking extra gorgeous this evening. Your eyes are shining, your hair is frankly amazing and you’ve subjected yourself to a skincare routine more rigorous that that of Patrick Bateman in the 20xx classic, “American Psycho.” Conversation is flowing like the wine, and you’re convinced that, for once, you may not be going home alone.

But after an of egg salad roll, your date isn’t looking at you with quite the same adoring gaze. It’s like they really want to say something to you but don’t quite know how.

Conversation stalls as they continue not saying what it is that they so desperately want to say, while your  flow of words dries up because you know something is very wrong.

At the end of a very awkward evening you and your go home separately. They don’t call.

What the hell just happened?

You’ve been left with egg on your face is what just happened. Or spinach in your teeth. Or maybe even spaghetti in your hair.

Perhaps it happened while you were in the middle of a conversational riff and by the time there was time to talk, the egg or spinach or spaghetti had dried and it would have been immediately obvious, had your date mentioned it, that the errant morsel had been there for some time. It was too late to mention, and yet they need to. Or maybe your date doesn’t feel confident enough to bring up your appearance, or thinks that it will damage your confidence. You don’t know each other well enough yet and dating is hard.

What you should have done.

It’s not your date’s responsibility if you make yourself look silly by being careless with food. Restaurants aren’t usually short of reflective surfaces and there are always bathrooms. If you feel like there might be something wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on what, go an check in a mirror.

Also, be more careful eating.

I’ll have the Andouillette, please

It does kind of look like a sausage, but what are those brown bits? | Credit: Muesse | CC BY-SA 4.0

You made it through the appetizers, and you’re sure that your date will be impressed by your sophistication when the main course arrives. You’re not entirely sure what you ordered, after all the menu in this shockingly expensive French restaurant is written in French, and you took Spanish in high school.

It arrives, looking kind of like a sausage, and you dig in. The meat is tougher than you expected and there’s an unsavory aroma you can’t quite place. Seductively locking eyes with your date, you raise a quivering forkful to your mouth. The aroma’s getting stronger and as the eat touches your tongue, the taste helps you to finally recognize the smell for what it is. Your date sniggers at the look of horror slowly spreading across your face.

What the hell just happened?

You’ve gone to a foreign restaurant with minimal knowledge of your dinner’s country of origin, and you don’t have a clue what you’re ordering. That’s what happened.

Unfortunately it was a French restaurant and you had the misfortune of ordering andouillette, which is a type of sausage made from a pig’s lower rectum. Yes, sausage skins are traditionally made from intestine, but those are from much higher up the gut and are usually cleaned and sterilized before stuffing. Andouillette is special in that it comes right from the poop chute, and in France, an andouillette isn’t considered authentic unless it has that characteristic fecal odor. It’s considered exceptionally good if there are still some remnants in there. Yes. You’ve just eaten poop. No-one’s going to want to kiss you now.

What you should have done.

If you want to appear like you know what you’re doing and you know the venue in advance, look up the menu online and research the dishes so you know what to avoid. Google translate is a thing that exists and can help out with any difficult words. Failing that, feel free to ask the restaurant staff what the mystery dish is – or request a menu in English.

Yes, it may be slightly embarrassing and it may highlight your ignorance of foreign language and cultures, but it 100% has to be better than eating literal sh*t.

I’m just going to the restroom. Oh god.

You really should have stayed away from the mussels | credit: dirtyboxface | CC BY-SA 2.0

It’s usual when on a date, for one or both participants to scoot off to the restroom on occasion. Maybe you do need to use the facilities. Maybe you need to call your friend and let them know that the date is going well and that you don’t need rescuing with a call about how your cat is stuck in next door’s tree and needs your urgent help. On the other hand, it could be the date is going so badly, a trip to the bathroom is nothing more than a cover for bailing out of the window and running for your life.

Not this tie though. Your guts are churning and you’re feeling a cramp like you’ve never felt before. You only just manage to seat yourself on the bowl when your bowels release in an explosive tsunami. You think it’s over, but every time you try to stand up, there’s more.

After 15 minutes, your date assumes you’ve bailed, calls a cab and goes home alone. they never call you again.

What the hell just happened?

It could be anything. It could be that you’re allergic or intolerant to one of the ingredients in the meal, or it could be that the restaurant kitchen is a haven of rats, mice, an cockroaches along with their droppings. Congratulations. You now have food poisoning.

What you should have done.

If you know that you have an allergy or an intolerance, then for goodness sake, make sure that it’s not on the menu. Ask your server to explicitly ask the chef about the very specific thing you’re allergic or intolerant to.

You should also check out online reviews of the venue. Do patrons complain about feeling ill after eating there? Are there references to cleanliness? Maybe there are reports of health inspectors circling the building.

These are warning signs. Stay away.

 

August Jones

Hi. My name's August Jones - I'm a fantastic amateur chef and a self-proclaimed food expert. I spend most of my life in kitchens cooking and preparing wholesome meals for anywhere between two and 20 people. If you need a banquet or an intimate meal, I can help you out! I plan on using the pages at obeyyourhunger.com to share my decades of culinary expertise, and excellence